Husband Suicides in India

Ever wondered why a husband who goes through 16 years of education, fights it out in interviews to get plum jobs, works his way up the ladder in his profession,
manages his social life like a pro ends up committing suicide?

The professionals in the field of psychiatry may have a medical term and explanation for such tragedies.

But, what drives a husband to commit suicide?

Is he weak?

Does he not know how to handle pressure in life? It is not possible at all for a man who has done all those things that I have mentioned in the first paragraph of this

Then, why?

Primarily because of the following:

Trust has been betrayed:

A man works hard all his life for his family, whether it is parents, wife or children does not matter, and most of the times it is for all of them. His entire life
revolves around them. Right from finding a good job, promotions, choice of residence, choice of friends, books, movies, etc. I mean everything is done keeping in mind
the welfare of his marriage and for his wife and children only.

When false dowry and harassment cases are filed against him, he feels he is betrayed by the one he loved with all his life.

He looks back and sees that this person was the one with whom he was supposed to spend his entire life and now she has betrayed him by filing false cases.

I can imagine the helplessness, a sense of betrayal and backstabbing that such a husband feels and goes through.

Financial loss:

A husband loses his job in many, many cases because of such false cases.

It takes years to prove that the cases are false because the police and courts work at a snails pace and the employers would not like a person with a criminal case on
their payroll.

Insensitive society:

Indian society in general is considered very family friendly but the truth is far from reality.

Everyone who is involved in the marriage- parents, uncles, aunties,etc from both sides have their own vested interest in keeping a failed marriage in place.

They cannot accept that the marriage has ended and the concerned parties need to move on.

They, with their invested interests in mind, will always blame the husband for problems in the marriage and will ask to forgive the actions of an abusive wife.

They will not understand the pain the husband is going through in an abusive marriage.

This behaviour is exhibited by the police, lawyers, judges, neighbours, friends, colleagues, peers, and even strangers.

A man does not get any sympathy nor understanding from the society.

Insensitive, gender biased laws:

The laws in India are so archaic and gender biased that a husband cannot file any cases against his wife, even when she is wrong!

Whereas, a wife can file multiple false cases against the husband to curb his freedom, take away his property, and obtain custody of his children via court

No support for a man in trouble:

I have not seen a single helpline number, website or forum from the government of India or any other department for MEN’s welfare.

No one wants to understand a man’s problem.

No one treats a man as a human being!!!

I am sure many of you, who are victims of false matrimonial cases, have gone through the above emotions and experiences.

When a husband in a troubled marriage tries to reach out to others he is laughed at and made fun of. This makes him feel helpless.

When you hear such a story from a harassed husband, please spend 5-10 minutes listening to him. You do not have to give him any advice. Just listen!

You may save a harassed husband from committing suicide!!!

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RCR – Should one file it or NOT?

The content below is copied from the following link and I thank the author for writing such a brilliant piece!!!!!!!

***********************              By Shonee Kapoor             ************************

Dear Friends,

I see a lot of advise about filing RCR (under various matrimonial laws, mostly Sec 9 of Hindu Marriage Act, 1955) whenever you face 498-a or threat of 498-a. I find no merit in filing RCR at all. I honestly think that this is the most useless provision of law. I hear varius arguments in favor of it, I don’t agree with any of them

Argument 1 in Favor of filing RCR has been, it would reduce maintenance or end maintenance.

Look at it like this, what the statute says in CrPC 125 (4) if the wife, without any sufficient reason, she refuses to live with her husband. One has two ways of proving the same. Either get a decree of RCR in his favour or defeat her claims in CrPC 125 petition. No prizes for guessing, which one is going to be easier. The onus of proving that she has no rhyme and reason is going to be far difficult than proving that her allegations are not sufficient. Also, you are trying to cut one maintenance, whereas you would be paying maintenance under Sec 24 of HMA, 1955 till RCR would remain pending in the court. NO ACTUAL BENEFIT RATHER IT MAY TURN OUT TO BE LOSS MAKING PROPOSITION.

Argument 2 is that she would have to run to your city to defend this.

Wrong again, she would put a transfer petition in Supreme Court/ High Court and get the case transferred, the SC/ HC is always too lax in such matters, more so, if some other litigation is pending in her area.

Argument 3 is she would be spending money on defending it.

More often than not, the money would come from your pocket only, as she would claim litigation expenses from you u/s 24 HMA. Even if your wife is earning and she may not get maintenance, but litigation expenses is denied very rarely by courts.

Argument 4 is that it would stop her divorce Petition.

Sorry, both cases run on their respective merits.

Argument 5 is that it would be easier to get AB.

I have yet to listen to more absurd reason. Do we think that Judges are fools? Can’t they see through us? They face the same situation day in and day out. On one hand you are saying, listen My Lord, she is laying baseless and concocted allegations of worst nature, on the other hand you are saying, I am willing to stay with her. Also, please note that RCR can never be conditional.

Argument 6 is that it would be easier to get divorce if she does not comply with the decree.

Yes, on the face of it. There is a ground available for divorce, if there is a decree of RCR in your favour, which has not been complied with for more than one year, you have right to seek divorce on the same ground. But, BUt, BUT… and its not a small but, it’s the decree which has been enforced and executed under Order 21 Rule 32 of Civil Procedure Code, 1908. Hence, count the number of cases you would be fighting to meet your end. 1. RCR, 2. Enforcement of Decree, 3. Divorce and 4,5,6… n all revisions and appeals she would file.

Pitfalls, filing of RCR has its own pitfalls.

1. She might agree to come back, with 498-A pending on you. You can not refuse because the RCR is pending despite 498-A on you.
2. You have condoned all the offences till the date the RCR is pending in court. That means that if you are acquitted on a false 498-A on xx date, and you withdraw RCR on xx+1 date, you have legally condoned the false 498-A. Sorry pal, no divorce for you on this ground. Remember Criminal Cases generally run faster than civil cases.
3. You would be unnecessarily increasing the litigation and strain on your own self, when you are in court stating something, contradictory statements of yours can be used against you.
4. God Forbid, if you loose the RCR case. You are doomed. The court won’t entertain your divorce petition. You are at the mercy of your lovely 498-A wife to get divorce thereafter.
5. Even if you succeed, wife can file permanent alimony under S. 25 of HMA.


Shonee Kapoor

PS: I would love to hear from my lawyer friends, any other reasons why one should file RCR.

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Understanding Lawyer Dynamics In Your Cases

The article is by no means exhaustive or authoritative but covers most common behaviour of lawyers in Indian courts.

Many new victims of false 498A, false Domestic violence and other false cases pose the following questions to us on a weekly basis.

How to choose a lawyer?

How will I predict his/her behaviour?

How much will the lawyer charge?

Should I trust my lawyer?

Should I allow my lawyer to fight my case?, etc.

We cannot say or predict another person’s behaviour. We do not know what is driving him/her. And, hence, we cannot answer such questions!!!

However, having said the above, from my experience I find the below mentioned points worth considering for your general reference.

Please read and use your discretion when applying the suggestions in this article.

One should look for the following good and bad qualities in a good lawyer:

Good qualities:

– Will sit with you and understand your case in person or over the phone
– Look for one who can demonstrate your case and will speak up in the court. Ask around and you are bound to find one in a hundred.
– Search the cause list in courts (if it lists the names of the lawyers against the case numbers) for the lawyer with maximum number of 498A cases
– Ask around in the courts (many times you will get wrong answers if you use this method!)

Remember that you have to meet multiple lawyers to decide to make your final choice.

You have to avoid lawyers with following qualities

Bad qualities

– Promises quick solution
– Tells tall tales about previous cases
– Gives you suggestion to use false witnesses
– Suggests that you lie in the court – This will get you in trouble in the form of a perjury case
– Does not meet you to prepare for your upcoming court date and files petitions and applications without consulting you
– Does not answer you phone calls to fix appointments and gives vague excuses like he is busy, had a court date, in a meeting, etc most of the times
– Suggests that you file unnecessary cases. This will only increase number of cases you are fighting and drain you mentally and financially. Every case costs you money
– Implores you to file divorce case
– Gives you tempting suggestion of filing RCR (restitution of conjugal rights). Ask yourself – Can a marriage be put back on its track by a court order?

More good and bad qualities will be added from my experience in weekly meetings……………………….

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Why dial 100 in matrimonial disputes or any emergency situations with legal implications?

Save Indian Family – Karnataka chapter

We, counsellors, keep on advising victims who choose to attend the weekly meetings and accept our advice to call the police emergency number – 100 in the following situations.

-In-laws come to your place of residence, place of work, accost you on the road

-Police come to the above places because of your in-laws have bribed them or used some kind of influence to put pressure on you to do their bidding against your will and judgement

-Unknown people or relatives of in-laws come to the above places and are threatening you

Now the important question is why would you call 100 and what would you achieve by doing so?

Let me answer the question of why:

– You will use the system against the people who are using unjust, gender biased laws to suppress you

– Your call will be recorded and it has to be as per the law of the land. This gives you the opportunity to file RTI to retrieve the records later to prove that these incident happened. In short, you have documentary proof from the department of police, specifically, the police control room.

Coming to the question of what would you achieve by calling 100:

– You would put the fear of police in them- whether they are your in-laws, police coming to your place illegally, their over active relatives out to teach you a lesson, or hired goons

– You send a clear message that you are strong enough to stand up to them

– You will not surrender to their legal, social and mental terrorism

In the end a word of caution, Please do not think that you would achieve or will get immediate relief. Things fall in their place in due course of time but you have to take the first step and call 100 when your life or interests are in danger.

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